ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
