I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
