omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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