Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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