Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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