Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
