dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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