I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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