Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
