So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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