Please, let me fuck your mom
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
