Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
love makes seman taste better
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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