i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
