i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
