Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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