i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
