My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
