my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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