Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
