He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
