i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i believe in u and ur pee
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
