Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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