I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
