I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
