did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
