dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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