either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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