and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I cut my penus on the lid.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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