I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
