For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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