I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
