the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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