Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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