Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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