I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize