seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
