Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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