I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
