margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
