I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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