Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
