these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
