I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
