im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What a dumb baby whore.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
