My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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