real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize