if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize