I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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