took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
