That's when you crack a 10am beer
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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