You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
