literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
