Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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