So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
