If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
