Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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