I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
