Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
