"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
