just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
