so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My breasts were aching with rage.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
