That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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