apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
