Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
