Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sext me about skeletons
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
