I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She said her name was "party"
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
