Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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