Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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