At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
