I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
