Got a toothbrush?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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