I CAN MOONWALK!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
