My hand turned me down
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
