I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
