He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
